It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
