the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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