Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Pants are for mortals
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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