You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
