Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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