Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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