I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We named our party play list daddy issues
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
