Me. At least after what I've been through.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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