sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
