I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
