I'm pants shitting drunk right now
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
