you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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