i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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