you traded sex for a burrito?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
