Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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