just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
