Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
