The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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