Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
