So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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