So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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