Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
