Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just googled if crying burns calories
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
