i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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