Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
