I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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