Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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