he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
