I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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