im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
