Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
