Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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