Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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