As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
