do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize