me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
