So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
