My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
