Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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