Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
