dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
