I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize