This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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