I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
