So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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