I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
