Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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