Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
