he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
