im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize