I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
