her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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