chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
