I should be sponsored by Trojan
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
