if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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