i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
