he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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