I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
