I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
